28 April 2020 — The COVID Diaries: Staying Sane in a Time That’s Not

Dear Diary,

2020 was going to be a big year for my kids. A high school graduation. Two college graduations. A wedding. 

Turns out, 2020 is a big year for my kids. And also for all the kids worldwide. Just not for the reasons we planned or expected.

Yesterday, my oldest kids (because they’re both my kids now) made the tough decision to postpone their June wedding to some unknown time in the future. ...  read more

27 April 2020 — The COVID Diaries: Staying Sane in a Time That’s Not

Dear Diary,

I was the fastest girl in the third grade at Ladera Elementary School in Thousand Oaks, California. Or, at least, I won the 50 yard dash once, and I was competitive in the other sprints on that Field Day in 1981 which was, to me, the same thing as being the fastest girl in the third grade. For a kid who otherwise considered herself uncoordinated and the opposite of athletic, it was a surprise. “I’m fast,” I thought. “I can sprint. Who knew?” Sometime around then, plus or minus three years in the way that time is murky and ethereal when we’re children, I won a swimming race, as well. Two lengths of the pool. I overheard another mom tell mine that I was fast, that she should sign me up for swim team, and, while swim team didn’t materialize — I don’t recall wanting to join or even really knowing what a swim team was — that comment on my speed was so astounding that I can sit here, nearly four decades later, at my aqua desk with its peeling paint on a soggy spring day in Oregon and recall it with the clarity of any of my most formative memories.  ...  read more

25 April 2020 — The COVID Diaries: Staying Sane in a Time That’s Not

Dear Diary,

I spent hours yesterday trying to write to you before giving up at 3pm, turning on Netflix, and finishing Season 2 of You. (Sidenote: OMG! 😳) The problem was, I wasn’t well, and I also forgot about my vow to take care of myself. Instead, I spent the first many hours of the day chastising myself for failing to be more productive. Failing to keep the kitchen cleaner. Failing to write in my Diary. Failing to write for Other Purposes. Failing to shower. Fail, fail, fail. ...  read more

23 April 2020 — The COVID Diaries: Staying Sane in a Time That’s Not

Dear Diary,

Am I staying sane, though, in this time that’s not? I mean, I guess I ask myself that question even when we’re not in the middle (at the beginning?) of a global pandemic. That’s part of the fun of monitoring clinical depression.  It comes in disguise at the best of times. And by “part of the fun,” Diary, I mean decidedly not fun at all. Because depression affects the brain and processing and discernment — because depression lies and says “you’re just like this,” “this isn’t depression; it’s who you are,” and “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain” — the Depressed Human is often not aware she’s depressed at all. So I spend a lot of time wondering, trying to stay on top of it, trying to learn the symptoms, even though the symptoms are always changing.  ...  read more

21 April 2020 — The COVID Diaries: Staying Sane in a Time That’s Not

Dear Diary,

I’m popping up and down from the kitchen table while I’m writing this, trying to keep Family Pizza Night on track, so we’ll see how this goes.

Today is officially Day #37 of Quarantine. They say it takes three weeks to form a habit. I don’t know who “They” are, but it’s one of those things that’s accepted wisdom like don’t go outside in the winter without your coat on lest you catch a cold — things that are verifiably, conclusively false, but things we say and believe regardless. So I suppose it’s not surprising that I feel on some level like I should be used to this by now — less bewildered, more settled, further along on Quarantine Adjustment, coming to terms with the uncertainty — but I’m not.  ...  read more

19 April 2020– The COVID Diaries: Staying Sane in a Time That’s Not

Dear Diary, 

It’s Sunday again, and even though the days are a little bit of a blur, there are little bits of routine that remind us now and then how to mark time. Monday through Friday are, in fact, Thisday, Thatday, Someday, Whatday, and Whensday. But Saturday is Farm Workday because there are still small projects that help improve our space so we can maybe, someday, eventually, hopefully, cross-fingers open to the public. ...  read more

18 April 2020 — The COVID Diaries: Staying Sane in a Time That’s Not

Dear Diary,

I’M SO SORRY I FORGOT TO TELL YOU WHICH WIENERS WE LIKED BEST.

I wrote to you yesterday about our very official, blind taste test: Nathan’s Beef Franks vs. Hebrew National. 

Honestly, Hebrew National has been my favorite for years, so I assumed they’d be the winner even though I’ve never had Nathan’s.

Then I looked at the hot dogs and they look virtually the same in the package, so I thought they’d tie. ...  read more