I spent all day reorganizing the pantry because I decided I’m going to feel like a fantastic idiot if the Cascadia Earthquake hits and I didn’t use this time I have at home to ensure we’re adequately prepared.
Like, you know what I’m saying, Diary?
Who lives through one massive crisis and fails to learn lessons for other potential crises?
And SINCE WE’RE LIVING IN THE WEIRDEST POSSIBLE TIMELINE where we keep FOOLISHLY saying “yeah, but how much worse can it really get?” and therefore FORCING FATE to keep dealing us crappy hands, I feel like I need to do whatever I can within my power to KNOCK ON WOOD. In this case, sorting the pantry = Wood Knocking. Because the Fate Centered Approach — which everyone knows is the Most Scientific Approach and not at all superstitious — says If You Prepare for the Worst, the Worst Will Not Happen.
Fine. I don’t really believe in Fatalism. But I wasn’t kidding when I said I don’t want to feel dumb after an earthquake hits. There are about to be 7 humans and 5 animals in my house for the foreseeable future. That’s a lot of daily calories to ensure we have on hand.
We almost got to increase the animals number to 7 yesterday when two peacocks showed up.
Because OF COURSE peacocks showed up.
And roosted on our roof.
I already said, Diary, we’re living in the Weirdest Possible Timeline.
Donald Trump is the President of the United States. (Old news. Still BLOWS MY MIND.)
There’s a global pandemic.
We already have a Porch Chipmunk…
…and a Daytime Raccoon who just wanders around our property like he owns it…
… refusing to be limited to the nighttime hours just because we keep telling him he’s nocturnal. (I hear you, Raccoon. I don’t want to be put in a box, either.)
A terrified dog materialized in our car one night last fall…
… on a mission, we eventually discovered, to be adopted by the neighbors.
So why in the Wonky World would we NOT manifest peacocks?
It’s definitely not the weirdest thing that’s happened. And it’s far from the worst.
Sadly for my neighbor Mo and I, who were prepared to keep them and love them forever — BECAUSE ONE DOES NOT JUST TURN DOWN A GIFT OF PEACOCKS FROM THE UNIVERSE, GREG — these two already have an owner.
Although, IDK if he’s caught them yet, so I’m not ruling out moving them in with the rest of this menagerie if they come knocking on the door.
P.S. For the first time EVER — and just to prove you should never say never — I was SO EXCITED to get cock videos in my email inbox.
And now I shall share them with you. Cocks, wandering around my house:
P.P.S. In other words, WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING ANYMORE?
P.P.P.S. I wish I knew, but the peacock parts are OK with me.
Raccoon Photo Credit: Abigail Lynn