I’ve always told everyone who loves me to never, ever, EVER throw me a surprise party.
Because is there anything more terrible than a surprise party? Is there?
I mean, I understand why some people like them. They’re the Extroverted people. The Enjoy Being the Center of Attention people. The YES, PLEASE CELEBRATE ME people. And I like those people. They’re fun.
But I am not those people.
I am one of the Thank You, But I’d Rather Be in Total Control of My Own Party people. And one of the Sure I’d Love to Talk to You But Back Here in the Corner of the Room people. And one of the Yep, I’m Loud and Crazy, But Still No, I Don’t Want to Be on Stage people.
So surprise parties?
But no one ever listens to me.
Especially not my sister-in-law, Kim. ^^^
Which is probably fair since I once published a blog post entirely about Kim’s boobs. So, you know, lesson learned. Well played, Kim. Well played.
But the thing is, my surprise birthday hoedown?
The one with friends,
and my cousin wrestling my brother to the ground because cousins don’t let cousins wear hideous rat-tail braids underneath their cowboy hats?
It was seriously awesome.
Unfortunately, for it to be awesome, I had to accept grace. Which is hard.
Turns out, I find it’s easier to give grace to others than allow others to give it to me.
Anyone else? Anyone at all?
Because when people do extraordinary and kind things for me – like a surprise birthday hoedown at a beautiful farm out in the country in the middle of a massive rainstorm where people show up anyway and there’s a band and my favorite kind of beer and completely ridiculous and perfect games like lasso-the-birthday-girl and a Prancercise dance-off, and people spent hours and days and money making this happen, I think But I don’t deserve this, and I can’t ever pay you all back.
Which is, of course, exactly what grace is.
And exactly the point.
Because grace is free.
And a gift.
I want to live in a world that extends grace.
Or even deserved but no one cares because no one’s keeping track, you know?
No record keeping.
No score chart.
Just grace because we’re all worthy of gross, unreasonable displays of generosity and love.
The problem is, there have to be recipients for this to work. We all have to be recipients. And that’s HARD. And I’m beginning to guess, just a few days into 40 Days of Grace, that we’ve taken this whole It’s Better to Give Than to Receive thing a little too much to heart. I mean, we’re prepared to be the Givers, right? To be the ones with the emotional wealth and the bounty of heart to spill it out onto others. The Givers are the ones we want to be. We strive to be. Not the Takers. Never the receivers.
At least that’s true for me. But it doesn’t work that way. It can’t. Because if we’re all the Givers, then grace breaks down and doesn’t work at all. And it’s becoming painfully, wonderfully clear that’s something I get to work on this month.
Last week, my friends Heidi and Grace started giving me gifts for my birthday. Every day for 40 days. Which caught me off guard and unprepared and keeps making me want to say STOP because I feel jittery and overwhelmed when don’t know how to express the depth of gratitude I feel for friends who insist on being unreasonably generous.
And then, on the heels of we’re-giving-you-WAY-too-many-gifts-SUCK-IT-UP, there was a surprise party this weekend.
It was rad.
With people who are even radder.
And so I’m going to work on this:
Yes, of course.
Aging in a way that’s full of grace.
Aging in a way that allows me to be a Giver of Grace.
Freely and without merit to all comers.
But I’m also going to work on this:
Aging in a way that’s full of gratitude.
Gratitude for Grace Unwarranted.
Because it seems a world of grace requires both. Both grace given and grace received. And I’m grateful for ridiculous friends who give me a chance to practice.
In conclusion, thank you to everyone who helped me celebrate, and special thanks to
my brother Jeff and sister-in-law Kim
my parents, Ian and Sandy,
and all of the friends and family (Adina, Mike, Michael, Abby, Nathan, Leslie, more) who helped pulled this off.
You’re my favorites.
And I’m grateful I get to practice receiving grace at your hands.
P.S. About that Prancercise dance-off? Mm hm. I want you to know, they look like they’re laughing AT my Pracercizability, but I assure you, they’re actually cheering in amazement (and, let’s be honest, jealousy) at how good I am.