“Stop licking me,” I said. And then I paused. “Actually, you know what, Licker? The truth is, I just can’t take all the face licking. Or the foot licking. Or the foot licking followed by the face licking. It’s gross. Do you think you can confine your licking to the back of my legs? Yes? Awesome. That would be GREAT.”
It’s game time! And you’re playing along from home. Participation is mandatory. I figure saying that is just like everything I say around the house: completely unenforceable. But I carry on because pretending I have power is what gets me through the day.
(Margaret Thatcher said, “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” And I say, Oh, yeah? Tell me, Margaret: where did thinking like that ever get you?)
Today’s game is called: Did I Say It to My Child or My Dog?
Free fun for everyone!
Here’s how it works (otherwise known as: Da Rules) :
- I give you a quote. Words that actually fell from my mouth this very day. Quotes will be ordered numerically. ‘Cause I have a numbering button that’s kick-in-the-pants fun to use.
- You reply. Numerically. Even if you don’t have a cool numbering button. And, after each corresponding number, you say either “dog” or “child,” to, you know, indicate whether I said it to dog or child. It’s a tricky game that way.
- Winners who get ’em all right get to choose a child or a dog from amongst my household to keep for a whole week! And, just to be fair and honest up front, the bigger ones may look like they can work harder, but you can’t beat the littles for enthusiasm.
- Just kidding about #3. The bigger ones don’t actually look like they can work harder.
Alright. FINE. If you play along, I won’t force a child or dog on you at the end of the game. But you really are a spoilsport.
Let’s get started.
Did I Say It to My Child or My Dog?
- “Are you going to finish eating that? ‘Cause, if you aren’t, I will.”
- “It’s very hard for me to type when your entire body is laying across both the keyboard and my wrists. Pick one: keyboard or wrists. You can’t have both. And I mean it.”
- “Oh, geez, dude! You have GOT to learn to wipe better.”
- “Please unload the dishwasher. And don’t even ask — yes, I mean the whole thing and by yourself.“
- “Well, how much plastic did you eat? Like, am I gonna have to get you some medical intervention, here, or what?”
- “Stop licking me,” I said. And then I paused. “Actually, you know what, Licker? The truth is, I just can’t take all the face licking. Or the foot licking. Or the foot licking followed by the face licking. It’s gross. Do you think you can confine your licking to the back of my legs? Yes? Awesome. That would be GREAT.”
- “Seriously? You have to make a choking sound when you’re excited? Why can’t you just go ahead and throw up already?”
- “No, you cannot pee in a cup just because she did it. … Aw, come on. Don’t fuss. … Fine! You know what? Here’s a cup. Knock yourself out.”
I cannot wait to hear from you.
P.S. If you have your own quotes to add, I’m totally doubling your points.